In-Depth with Bobbie Thomas

You know her from The Today Show where, as Style Editor, she dishes about fashion and beauty but “professional girlfriend” Bobbie Thomas shares more than just the latest trends. We followed her journey to marriage and motherhood including a very public struggle to conceive via IVF. Now, with the same candor, vulnerability and kindness, Bobbie bravely opens up about her difficult pregnancy, finally becoming a mother, nursing challenges and, as if she hasn’t been through enough already, an on-going battle with baby blues.

Nat: Why do you call yourself the professional girlfriend?

Bobbie: There are two different lanes that kind of came together that really created the concept of “professional girlfriend.” One being that my parents, to this day, still can’t believe that I figured out how to build a career out of doing what I was essentially doing when I was younger and they were like, “Ugh, would you focus on something else besides talking to your girlfriends about beauty, makeup and hair?” They’re like, “What are you going to do? Where are you going to college? Are you going to be a lawyer? Doctor? What?” I crack up today, like “See, there was a reason!” My slumber parties were base training for me. I turned the slumber parties into my profession.

Nat: What was the other lane?

Bobbie: I felt privileged to have a platform and opportunity where people would say “beauty expert” or “style guru” or all of these terms, but I feel really passionate that every woman is her own personal expert. I’m just a 411 or your CliffNotes because you’re out there working everyday, taking care of your kids and it’s literally my job to edit down and translate this world. Especially today, we have so many options. You walk into a beauty store and it’s like AA, CC, BB, ZZ creams.

Nat: I love how humble you are.

Bobbie: I don’t want to be disingenuous and suggest that, “Oh my gosh, I’m your girlfriend,” because I don’t know you personally but I do care about sharing what I know with you because I wish that for myself as well. I learn from other women in my own space. I’m so supportive of other women even women in the same space like yourself. I’m not an air-kissing fashionista that hangs out with Karl Lagerfeld on Sundays. I’m a woman like everyone else who is super passionate about sharing information that affects women, in the beauty, fashion and lifestyle space but also sometimes in the philanthropic world as well.

Nat: I think many would be surprised to hear that you started as a rape crisis counselor.

Bobbie: Early on in my career, I got my marriage, family and child therapist license. I was working on my Masters and worked at a rape crisis center and was really involved with helping women. Even today, talking about lipstick, I see the power of that for women as well. I think that was always my goal, to provide a service to other women.

Nat: What made you transition from counselor to editor?

Bobbie: I think that’s the beauty of it, I really didn’t change. I’m still the same therapist. At that point, I was focused on that particular facility. It’s now evolved into a bigger network of women everywhere. In the beginning, there were a couple moments that stuck out where I was approached by a teen magazine that asked me what I thought, and I said, “Gosh I would give anything to help tell these girls that confidence, not a boob job is sexy.” Because, at the time, the media frenzy was “Britney Spears: are her boobs real or fake?” and I remember having the reaction like this is an opportunity to really reach the audience that needs to know this the most.  They offered me a position by working in LA as a host and the worlds kind of converged. It was really exciting for me to think about inspiring other women to believe more in themselves because I desperately wanted to believe in myself too.

Nat: You’ve always been interested in helping others none more so than when you shared your struggles to conceive and your journey with IVF. Was that a difficult decision to make? Did you feel like you owed it to people because you were an on-air personality?

Bobbie: It was kind of organic in the sense that it wasn’t premeditated. I didn’t really even have a moment where I thought, “Am I going to talk about this or not?” I was asked about it and I’m super honest. Someone on social media said, “Is that a burrito or a baby bump?”

Nat: No!

Bobbie: Funny enough, I was actually flattered in an odd way that someone would actually even notice that I was five or ten pounds heavier because I work so hard to share this information with women and I’m hoping that they’re listing to what I have to share. So the thought that somebody was paying enough attention that they could notice I’d gained a little bit of weight was like “Wow! Thanks for looking out.” I think we, as women, need to not look at extra weight as a bad thing. I said, “No, I wish it was a baby bump, it’s actually weight gain from IVF.” And that conversation spiraled. What I found when I actually answered them honestly was that so many women started pouring their hearts out.

Nat: What did you take away from that?

Bobbie: I felt comforted that others were going through what I was. In the beginning of my journey to try and build a family, I was sort of shocked, like, “Why didn’t someone tell me this earlier?” I thought it was going to be easy. I lived in New York City, my husband has insurance, I was lucky to be around world-class doctors and thought, “If Halle Berry can do it, I can too!”  And that’s something that I found wasn’t as accurate as it can be portrayed in the media. Because it became a big conversation, I really didn’t have a problem talking about it on-air because more people were asking on the Today Show and social media as well, “It looks like Bobbie may have gained weight.” I wanted to stare that straight in the face because I wanted people to know I was proud of that weight. On one level, that was a goal in and of itself. I was very proud that I was gaining that weight because I was lucky to be able to afford and have access to care that was giving me those shots of hormones that was causing that weight gain. It was like a badge of honor. And I wanted to talk about it, not just from a body image perspective, but sharing information I was getting with other women that may not have access to those doctors. So I looked at it as like, excuse my French, “Fuck it, this is a great chance to share the wealth!”

Nat: And you received such a response. I know you called it a supportive sisterhood. How much did that mean to you?

Bobbie: I’d be having the worst night, being so sick after having to make my husband give me the shots and he felt so bad because it hurt so much or the stress of not knowing if it would work and my solace was reading all of these comments from people who were just pouring out the love, supporting and cheerleading me.

Nat: Do you mind sharing how long you tried to conceive?

Bobbie: Roughly a year. I went through about five rounds of very aggressive fertility treatments.

Nat: What was the hardest moment?

Bobbie: I don’t know if I would call it rock bottom but the day I truly felt that my emotional strength was being tested was the day that I decided to announce on-air that I was five weeks pregnant. My husband and I did not agree but I had his support. I had the implantation procedure and when we found out the embryo had implanted, it was like, “Okay, do we announce this or do we keep it private? And I felt like, no, my whole journey is going to be transparent.

Nat: That’s tough when your husband and you have different feelings on the matter.

Bobbie: Yes, my reasoning to my husband was, “If I announce this and miscarry, it’s not going to change the outcome. We’ll still be going through this regardless and it’s only more reason. The reason I was so public with it in the first place was I had nothing to hide. So I’m not going to be ashamed if it doesn’t work and feel like a failure. I would only have that much more support and love from these people that were being so amazing to me and that was what helped make my decision. It was like, “I’m going to put this out there in the hands of the universe and share this and if I do go through an unfortunate miscarriage, I’ll be honest about it and share my pain with everyone so they understand what the process is all about. I was very, very, lucky that it didn’t turn out that way but I had to prepare for that if I was going to announce it. Hope is the cornerstone of this issue for so many women and that was a test of emotional strength, having to say something out loud and hanging on to hope with fingernails. I remember that being a very pivotal moment for me.

Nat: Can you describe the moment you found out you were pregnant?

Bobbie: You see those moments caught on YouTube or on home camcorders, this elation, this burst. For me, it was really the opposite. It took a while for it to sink in. It was really hard for me to allow myself to be happy or accept it. It took me a really long time before I could believe that it was real.

Nat: We put so much pressure on ourselves to feel a certain way.

Bobbie: There was no jumping up and down. It was a bit of shock mixed with caution and being in denial. You want it, that’s why you’ve been working so hard but it’s like someone stole the punch line of joke because you’re just so worried.

Nat: Was there also a sense of guilt?

Bobbie: Yes and I just felt so passionate about not forgetting the people that supported me that were still trying. Even now that I have Miles, I’ll never forget. I know that there are people that are still trying and just because I was lucky doesn’t mean that now I’m beyond this. I still remember how hard it was; I still remember the heartache and know how lucky I am but I still champion women and their strength to want to build a family.

Nat: What’s your advice to women still struggling?

Bobbie: Everybody’s situation is different. I think it would be insensitive of me to give you a blanket statement and say, “Just have hope.” I remember that felt so empty when I would read or hear that. My best advice is to surround yourself with people who truly care and love you because no matter what happens or what your decision is, you need a support system. I think you should reach out to other people, be proud of your efforts and not feel like a failure. Do anything you can do to be true to your own desires. If you want to build a family, you shouldn’t feel bad about that or the challenges you may be facing. Somebody recently said that to me that guilt is like bricks, you just have to put them down. And you really need to lean on the people around you, rather than carrying that guilt. You need those people in your life and if you don’t have that, you really have to reevaluate who you surround yourself with because nothing in this world is more important than love and support, especially when you’re that vulnerable. That’s the common denominator of every one of those individual stories- the vulnerability that you feel as a woman.