Fifty Shades of Frustration: My Grievances With E.L. James’ Provocative New Novel

My problem with the book has nothing to do with any of the above. First let me say that, overall, I thought it was an entertaining read. Curious to see what naïve Ana would do, hoping Christian would change his ways and interested enough in their story, James kept me turning the pages. So at the end of the day, for me, it was a success. But she doesn’t need me to tell her that. The 10 million copies sold, $5 million movie deal and addition to the pop culture lexicon (the SNL parody was my favorite) should suffice.

But there were parts of the book that drove me mad. It wasn’t the idea that a young woman today would submit (Although, personally I would never tolerate anyone, including my boyfriend, telling me when and what to eat, how often to exercise or what to wear.) or even some of the more graphic, hard-to-stomach scenes. Those parts I can get past. It’s the choices James makes that I take issue with.

For starters, Anastasia Steele is supposed to be a 21-year-old from Montesano, Wash., by way of Nevada and Texas. No American college student I know would use the word “smart” to describe her choice in attire. Instead, it seems like something more apt for, I don’t know, a fifty-something British novelist.

Smart is not the only hiccup. What modern-day twenty-something woman uses “sex” to describe her vagina or “mean machine” for her computer? And medulla oblongata? Again, these seem like dated, stuffy, formal terminologies much more suitable for an out of touch, mid-lifer than a progressive young mind.

Beyond that, the repetitive nature of phrases like “narrows his eyes,” “breath hitches” and “eyes hooded,” to name a few, tripped me up. Surely, James has a thesaurus. For a writer who can pen over a dozen sadomasochistic sex scenes with varying language, reusing the same descriptions ad nauseam seems lazy or looked over.

Also, what male who isn’t a hair stylist or a father knows how to braid? I mean… And don’t get me started on the inner goddess or subconscious!

All of these things may seem trivial and perhaps they are, but they’re my own “hard limits.” For me, there are too many of these moments that disrupt the flow of the narrative. I’d be in a scene, transfixed by Christian, scared for Ana and then propelled out by jarring prose and questionable word choice.

Still, despite my gripes, I’m interested, anxious even, to see the trajectory that the second and third installments in the trilogy take and, ultimately, what happens with Ms. Steele and Mr. Grey. James might be infuriatingly sloppy but, a Twilight fan herself, she knows a winning formula when she writes it. So I’m off to the bookstore. Add me to the list of (critical) fans!