Fifty Shades of Frustration: My Grievances With E.L. James’ Provocative New Novel
I’m a little late to the Fifty Shades game. I was going to opt out altogether, but at dinner with my friend the other night, I revealed that my husband was going on a weeklong business trip. “I know what you should do,” she light up, “read Fifty Shades of Grey!”
Intrigued by the hoopla and valuing her opinion, I took her suggestion and borrowed her copy. Three days later, I finished the first tome and now understand the fascination. James’ racy new novel pushes the proverbial envelope. Erotica is nothing new of course; it’s just now more mainstream and acceptable than ever before. What was once taboo, is now being read openly on planes, trains and public beaches not to mention discussed at great length over lunch and in car pool lanes. What Sex and the City did for women’s sexuality, Fifty Shades takes to another level. Christian Grey might even make Samantha Jones blush. And if women are more active and adventurous with their mates, a little happier, freer and slightly less stressed these days due to Grey, I think that’s great.
Does it mean I’m ready for an onslaught of BDSM-related books, television shows and movies à la the vampire saturation post Twilight series? No and I urge the decision-makers out there to find the next big thing instead of Fifty Shades 2.0.
But I don’t think the S&M nature has as much to do with the book’s popularity as the actual Christian Grey character does. Sure, all the media attention about the “scandalous” new read helped sales but, ultimately, it was women’s word of mouth that kept those purchases going. Water cooler talk was less about the shock value and the toys and more about Christian himself. Women across America were escaping with the book, getting carried away and wishing their man was a little more like Grey. It’s the Pretty Woman effect. (No surprise here, as James even borrows a scene from the film, having Christian order one of everything from the room service menu just as Edward Lewis did before him.)
Most women I know want to be swept off their feet, wined and dined and taken care of while climbing the corporate ladder and wearing or sharing the pants. More so, they want to feel beautiful, desired, appreciated and showered with affection and compliments. It’s less about his actions in the Red Room and more about his vulnerability in Ana’s bedroom.
As much as we are in charge these days (business, home, kids), it’s refreshing to have the man take control sometimes both in and beyond the bedroom. But, as Alpha females, we tend to break our men down, stripping them of their masculinity and then faulting them for not being man enough, the very thing we undid. (Perhaps, instead, we should encourage them to read the book or, gasp, actually communicate our needs and desires.) Christian Grey maintains that manhood. Yet he still needs Anastasia and don’t we all want to feel needed? It’s that duality, I believe, that has women captivated. Add to that his fit physique, good looks, impressive accomplishments and a touch of mystery and he’s the perfect fictional package. Through Christian Grey, women are experiencing the love affair they never had or have since lost by way of the real world.
And while I get the popularity, I also understand the controversy. In an age where women are running for President and running the home, to some it seems a bit of a backwards step to have females clamoring for a book about being submissive. I get the argument, I do. But isn’t the right to choose what we fought for? Not that everyone should conform to one way but decide for ourselves what works best, turns us on and makes us happiest. Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? These days, a woman can opt to run the boardroom and still be submissive in the bedroom should she choose. What each does in her home is her business. But, ultimately, Fifty Shades is fantasy. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.