My Wish for Lilly and Her Unborn Brother

In two weeks (we hope), we’ll officially be a family of four. It’s so surreal. It’s been just the three of us for so long, I’ve been pregnant for what seems like an eternity and so much has happened (miscarriage, move), it almost feels like we’ll forever be in limbo. And while I’m trying my best to savor the remaining time (can you ever really?), in between anxiously waiting to hear (and see) he’s healthy, what he’ll look like and be done with this pregnancy and get a bit of my body and life back, I’m really ready to begin this next adventure in our lives.

Perhaps the thing I hear most from my friends with a second (and third) is not only how much life changes but that they wish they’d had more time with their first. And, I can honestly and thankfully say that I don’t feel that way. Four years is a long time. An entire college tenure. Up until Zach, longer than any of my relationships. We have gotten to know our girl so well and spent a ton of quality time that we wouldn’t trade for the world. I was able to stay at home with her, teach her, guide her and love on her all day, every day. We are so bonded and I’m so fortunate that we had that time, just the two of us.

But we’re all so ready. If anything, she needs this new addition to help humble her up a bit. She, rightfully so, thinks she’s the center of the universe. And it’s time to show her she’s not in the form of a needy, screaming, pooping, starving baby! 😉 Seriously, there’s tons of ways to construct a family. Siblings are not the end all, be all. It really comes down to the way a child is parented and loved. But, for us, it is important to give her a sibling, which is the main reason we decided to have him.

After four years and in our late thirties, we’re not jumping at the chance to go back to sleepless nights, diaper changes, spit up, baby gear, etc. But we are thrilled to give our little girl a baby brother. I welcome the struggles, fights, lessons because it will make them both better people. And I can’t wait till they get to the age of the built-in playmate, travel buddy, co-conspirator, venting partner about their father and me. With any relationship, certainly siblings, there’s no guarantee. I can’t promise they’ll grow up to be best friends, take care of us and each other once we’re gone but I’ll damn sure try with everything in my being to make sure that I set them up to do so.

My sister and I have a complex bond. As a little girl, I was in awe of her and she treated me as hers, doting on me. When I got a bit older, I was a nuisance and she bossed me around. I’d often end up in tears. We’d fight like crazy (hair pulling, pushing, shoving, screaming) and five minutes later be besties again. It drove my parents nuts. By the time she was in high school and I was in middle, she was back to being the cool big sister leaving me fries in my locker when she went for a lunch run. And once in college, she’d send her high school sister cafe packages with mix tapes (dating myself!) of the latest new bands (hello Dave Matthews!) she’d just discovered. It was then that we could have a drink together and really talk about what was going on in life. Eventually, we attended one another’s bachelorette parties, were each other’s maid of honors, threw one another’s showers…But, as adults, our relationship is a work in progress. At a glance, we’re extremely close, texting each other daily, but it’s not without it’s challenges, sometimes going for days or weeks without speaking because we’re both strong women with strong views. But, make no mistake, if anyone messed with one, the other would come knocking. We’re fiercely loyal and love one another in spite of ourselves.

That, above all, is what I want for my kids. Loyalty, protection, unconditional love. However they choose to get there, is up to them. But I cannot wait to witness their journey.

So let’s start it already!!!