Speed Dial with Emma Heming Willis

Nat: What is your goal for the site?

Emma: When you see these photos of moms and kids or read something and everything is so perfect but you don’t know what is happening behind closed doors, you want to know that it’s not really that perfect. I want other moms to know that there are great days but there’s also a lot of really difficult days as well. I don’t know it all and I’m learning as I go. I’m still a first-time mom, second time around. Evelyn is a different child than Mabel. What works for Mabel, doesn’t work for Evelyn. I want a site for women being positive and trying to help one another and know that it’s not a good day today but it’s just a phase. I don’t want to talk about making kale chips for my kids! Motherhood opens up the playing field. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’ve been. Once you’re a mother, you can talk to anyone else out there. I love talking about it. That’s my life now, 24-7. I don’t do it perfectly, I just don’t. But I strive for it!

Nat: I was reading one comment about putting warm salt in a sock and placing it on your child’s head for an ear ache. I’d never heard of that!

Emma: That was a real gem! I feel like I’ve heard it all but I know there’s other amazing tips out there floating around. I just did a cheat sheet where I selfishly asked a question that I needed help with. Right now Evelyn’s teething and I wanted to ask for advice.

Nat: I was amazed at the community of motherhood that circled around each other and held one another up.

Emma: But there’s also a lot of people that have lots of things to say in a judgmental way. I’m trying to stay clear of that with this blog because I’m just so sick of the opinions of what you should be doing, what you shouldn’t be doing. Every child is different, every family is different. It’s so hard to generalize. Mabel… I breastfed that child forever. She was in bed with us forever. The only way she would sleep or nap was is if I was in bed with her, breastfeeding her to sleep. So I opened myself up to a lot of criticism from family and friends saying, “You’re doing it all wrong!” But I took a year out of my life to do that and be there with her. You just want people to be like, “That’s your route. That’s what you’re doing.” and support you. But, on the flip side, yeah, there have been a lot of people who have wanted to give advice in the kindest way.

Nat: I got the flip side too. I was unable to breastfeed for long due to supply and I got a lot of judgment about that.

Emma: It was the same thing with Evelyn. After I had her, my milk supply was already drying up two months into it and I was doing absolutely everything I could and there was nothing more I could do. I was unhappy, Evelyn was unhappy, Mabel was losing her mind every time she saw me breastfeeding. And I was hearing, “You should have…” Yeah, okay. Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. I don’t know why my milk supply isn’t coming in either! It was hard enough that I had to pull the plug on it [without feeling shame from others] but then I was relieved at the same time that I could get rid of my pump and I didn’t have to worry about being around all of the time, that I could go get lunch and I didn’t have to run home and pump. It sounds selfish but…

Nat: No, it doesn’t! Those moments are so important for your mental health. What has been the biggest blogging challenge?

Emma: Finding the time to write. I’ll get these ideas in my head and I’ll start writing it but, because I’m not a writer, it takes me much longer. At the end of the day, when my kids are in bed and that’s the time I’ve said I’ll start writing, I don’t want to do it. I want to put my feet up, hang out with my husband, watch TV… But my husband’s my editor. He’ll say, “you misspelled this word” or “your grammar’s not right here”.

Nat: Is he a good writer?

Emma: He’s actually a great writer. He’s been giving me some tips. Everything that’s been posted has gone through him.

Nat: That’s so nice. My husband is not so I get no help there.

Emma: Yeah but you don’t need it, you’re such a great writer! I was reading the one about you going to Miami and your luggage and what you had your husband do, which I thought was absolutely hilarious. The way you write, it’s as if you’re having a conversation about it. The way you tell a story, it’s so natural and so funny. And your husband sounds amazing.

Nat: Thank you. He may not be a great writer but he’s amazing at lots of things including handling me. Speaking of your husband [Bruce Willis], how did you two meet?

Emma: We met at our trainer’s, Gunnar Peterson, gym. Our schedules always overlapped. At the time I was in another relationship so it wasn’t until two years later we went on our first date. After my relationship didn’t work out, I found myself single and he asked me on a date and that was kind of it.

Nat: Did you become friends over those two years?

Emma: No, more like an acquaintance. I grew up watching Moonlighting but I would never say I was a Bruce Willis fan. But getting to know him at the gym, I was like, “He’s really charming, funny, charismatic…” And my mom was like, “Why are you even talking about this? You’re engaged to be married.” I said, “I know that. I’m just… aware.” There wasn’t really any kind of attraction there, I just thought he was interesting.

Nat: How did he ask you out?

Emma: I was moving from Los Angeles back to New York and it was just before the holidays. He called and said, “It was inappropriate for me to ask you before but I’d really like to ask you out to lunch.” I said, “That sounds great but I’m in the midst of moving.” I was packing boxes and about to move cross country, I could not wrap my head around going on a date. I said, “Can we do this in January when I get to New York and settled?” He said, “Yes, absolutely. I totally get it.” Cut to the next day, he calls and says, “I know you’re really busy but I’d really like to take you out.” I thought it was very sweet. We ended up going to dinner but I took one of my friends with me. I had a sidekick because I was not 100% sure about going on a date with Bruce Willis!

Nat: And that was it?

Emma: That was it. He was sweet and charming. We built a relationship on the phone. Things progressed pretty quickly.