Letter to My 18-Year-Old Self

I have a few months off and am facing transition come September. Mine’s a change in career, not a new home or school, but no less daunting. When I think back to my 18-year-old self and what she was going through: fear, excitement, anxiety and hope, the sentiments are the same. However, with fifteen years on her, I’m slightly more experienced and, therefore, more prepared.

With that in mind, I wondered, if I could do it over again, knowing what I know now, what would I do differently? What would I tell her?

I’d tell her that the number on the scale doesn’t determine her value. Neither do bad bosses, bullies or boyfriends. That the minute he makes her feel unworthy, she should leave and not to wait for the second, third or twentieth time, no matter the excuse he has or she tells herself. That her confidence, character and contentment within herself are what make her attractive and that’s far better than the perfectly poised, leggy, busty, shiny-haired, designer-draped stunner who’s pumped full of laxatives and secretly hating herself.

I’d tell her to love fully, live freely and speak kindly, to embrace every walk of life no matter what the cool crowd says, to wear sunscreen, stop when she’s full, and that five drinks are more than enough.

I’d tell her to be honest, mostly importantly with herself. To confess and confide in loved ones, despite what they say; that we’re all in this together and sharing our struggles makes all the difference. To chart her own course and not be constricted by other’s opinions, rules or ideals. I’d tell her that her scars from those that are narrow-minded, insecure and unfulfilled make her far more interesting and compassionate.

And, I’d tell her to have fun, not to worry so much, be so hard on herself. That she’ll be okay and that, ultimately, things work out and those that don’t are one hell of a lesson, not to mention, story.

Then again, perhaps she could tell me a thing or two. Despite life’s uncertainties, she was a confident, fearless dreamer, seeing the good in everything, not yet tainted by anything or anyone with a glimmer in her eye and on an insatiable quest for the best, taking advantage of all that life had to offer, making no excuses or apologies. She was actually quite impressive.

I hope there’s still some of her in me. I hope I’ve made her proud.

The journey continues…