Letter to My 18-Year-Old Self

I recently returned from a ten-day trip back east to spend quality time with some quality people.

As is ritual now, my mom and I cleaned out yet another part of the house together. My parents, nearing retirement, are in “downsize mode,” causing my mother to purge, well, everything. I imagine on my next trip, I’ll find my bed gone and a sleeping bag in its place.

This time, we tackled my closet. Among a plethora of tragic trends (bomber jackets, oversized overalls and twelve years worth of assorted gowns — cheesy, satin prom and homecoming dresses, dated sorority cocktail confections and “I want you to be able to wear it again” bridesmaid dresses which were, of course, never worn again), were several file boxes stuffed with tattered love letters, rambling-filled journals and touching notes and cards from family and friends. As I picked through my past, analyzing each word, I was surprised and amused.

Overall, I was comforted by and thankful for the wonderful relationships I had and have since lost and those that still remain. And, I couldn’t help but feel a bit nostalgic as I began to reflect on who I am now compared to the girl I was then.

When you think back to your younger self and who you’ve become come since then, are you satisfied or sad? Upon reflection, are you who you said you’d be? Who high school pals and ex-boyfriends saw you as? What yearbook entries and superfluous awards painted you out to be? Have you measured up? Does it matter?

Despite our best intentions, we can’t possibly fulfill all the promises we made. The lofty ideals, super-sized dreams and ambitious promises were heartfelt, sweet and apropos of a young life that has yet to enter the real world but, ultimately, life gets in the way, we change, mature, make mistakes and sober up.

After all my years in a corporate, year-round job, I’m somehow still conditioned to think in terms of the school year. Maybe it’s because we’re currently in a season of change with school’s cessation, graduation, commencement speeches and summer in full swing. Or perhaps it’s all the more profound because my life right now resembles that of a collegiate: end of an era, period of transition, carefree days coupled with some deep reflection and the start of something new, foreign, intimidating and thrilling.